Rebuilding Your Life After Heartbreak + Resiliency with Madisen Rose (part 1)

Madison Rose shares her journey of founding Better Half to Whole, a platform that helps people rebuild after divorce with intention, compassion, and self-trust through nervous system regulation and somatic healing.

• Divorce creates unexpected social challenges as friendships shift and couple dynamics change
• Setting up consistent check-in times with supportive friends provides structure during emotional upheaval
• The pre-divorce years often involve hope for reconciliation and difficulty making the final decision
• Survival mode during divorce literally shuts down our ability to notice positive experiences
• Practicing daily gratitude—even for basic things like "my car started"—rewires the brain toward positivity
• "Abundance flows" practice builds on gratitude by noticing unexpected positive moments throughout the day
• Noticing the good things happening around you creates a positive cycle where you see more abundance

Madisen Rose
www.betterhalftowhole.com 

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Chapters

• 0:06 Introduction to Reignite Resilience
• 1:22 Meet Madison Rose
• 4:37 Navigating Social Life After Divorce
• 13:14 Birth of Better Half to Whole
• 18:24 Finding Joy Amid Divorce Pain
• 22:58 Practicing Gratitude and Abundance Flows
• 26:13 Episode Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, Natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

SPEAKER_02: 0:41

Welcome back to another episode of Reignite Resilience. I am your co-host, Natalie Davis, and I'm so excited to be back with all of you. Of course, joining us is Pam Cass. Hello, Pam. How are you?

SPEAKER_03: 0:54

Pam actually fantastic. And for those of you who don't know, uh, today we do have a guest with us. She is local. So all three of us are in a drizzly, rainy day. And these kind of days make me want to stay in my pajamas, curl up in bed, and either Netflix or read a book. And so we are going to bring as much energy to this interview as we possibly can so that yeah, we're just gonna have fun and as much as possible.

SPEAKER_02: 1:22

As much as possible. We can be recording together in a spot on a sofa with the fluffy blankets and the recording equipment, but we also had a jam-packed day. So there's that.

SPEAKER_03: 1:35

We've literally been like back to back. So we had no opportunity to do that. But eventually we're gonna have a studio, Natalie. I envision a studio where we've got the fuzzy blankets and that we can sit around on a couch and invite guests to us.

SPEAKER_02: 1:48

And so one day. One day. One day when our schedules are much, much lighter.

SPEAKER_03: 1:56

That's funny because I know us and I feel like that's not ever gonna be a day.

SPEAKER_02: 2:01

It could, it could. I mean, if that's I mean, I just think about the logistics in terms of getting our guests and ourselves as the co-hosts together for the shows. And then let's add in, you know, getting to a studio and and all of that. It's it'll be fun. But if if you all are not watching us as well, Pam and I are back in black. So, you know, happy fall.

SPEAKER_03: 2:25

Winter is almost here. It is, winter is coming.

SPEAKER_02: 2:28

Oh my goodness. Well, Pam, you said we had a guest and let our listeners know who's joining us today. And so we can dive in because I'm excited.

SPEAKER_03: 2:35

This is kind of fun because a mutual friend of Natalie's and myself, um, somebody we've both known for years, recommended or connected us uh with our guest today. And so today we have Madison Rose. She is the founder of Better Have to Whole, a platform dedicated to supporting individuals through divorce recovery and the renegotiation of relational trauma in the nervous system. Through digital resources, self-paced online courses, group programs, and one-on-one sessions, Madison helps people rebuild after divorce with intention, compassion, grit, and self-trust. So so excited for you to be here today with us. So thank you. I'm gonna really just kind of hand it off to you for you to kind of tell us your story that kind of got you to where we are today.

SPEAKER_01: 3:30

Yeah, thank you so much for having me today. I am laughing about us curling up on a couch because I a friend of mine came over last week to do a closet edit and I had a coat. And she's like, that is not a coat, it is a robe. And I was wearing it this morning on a call. And I realized mid-call, I'm wearing a robe on a professional call. So I changed it look like a robe, according to my friend Katie, who's a stylist, yes.

SPEAKER_02: 4:05

So I've had one of those like sweaters as well, where the the collar just looks big and fluffy and very robe adjacent, but it's truly a sweater, like a cardigan. But when you're waist up on a Zoom call, the assumption is that you're in a robe. Sorry, Madison.

SPEAKER_01: 4:22

Well, I know I caught it and I was like, oh no. So I'm so excited to be here with you today, and we'll share a little bit about my story and how I got to work in the divorce recovery space, which is very specific. I was one of those like starry-eyed newlyweds, and I do believe at that time, you know, had met the love of my life at that time, and I wanted to stay married. We were not a good, healthy pair. And so the relationship over a couple of years really devolved, and I was 30 when I got divorced, and so pretty young, and needed lots of different resources beyond therapy, which was very helpful. But the social and emotional aspects of my life after getting divorced, I really didn't have any guidance on how my friendships, navigating how my friendships had changed, my family dynamics, the little tiny like triggers like your name being Mrs. and not miss after divorce, like all these little things that you don't even notice when you're married because it feels good and it's not a trigger. And then when you're not married anymore, it's like I couldn't escape my pain and my heartbreak, even though I was trying to move on. And so the work I do now is focused on some of the social and emotional aspects. But then I'm also coming to the end of a somatic practitioner training. And thank you. I'm I love it. And it has taken the work I do to a much deeper level because so many of the triggers or experiences that I had, I would have been able to navigate so much more with so much less suffering if I had had the tools to support myself and regulating my nervous system, but then also the true trauma renegotiation. Cause there's so many things that happen in our bodies and it just takes over. So it's like that reaction of removing your hand from a hot stove. It's like, even if you wanted to, your body is still gonna do its thing. So that's the work that I do now.

SPEAKER_03: 6:46

Oh, I I so love that you are doing this, and I'm so loved that you are here because when I was getting ready for this call today, I just kind of thought about my journey when, you know, I was married for 23 years and nobody talks about what it's the friendships. We had friendships that were couples that we traveled together, how that completely changed that identity of being a wife and now it's single. And I was getting a pedicure this week, and the gal that was doing my feet, she goes, So are you single? And I'm like, why did I feel like almost like embarrassed to say, yeah, I'm I mean, I'm dating somebody, but I'm still single. I'm not married, and it's like the stigma that you almost are like embarrassed that you're single. And so I love that you're doing this work. I think it's incredible. So can we talk a little bit about the social aspect of it? Because nobody talks about that when you're getting a divorce and what that looks like. Yeah, about my own experience or about well, your own experience and then what how you help people through navigating that change.

SPEAKER_01: 7:49

Yeah. So in my own experience, my ex-husband and I were kind of that social hub. And so we had the big backyard and hosted everybody's parties. And so when we broke up, and even before we broke up, when there was a lot of tension, people could tell. And so that was really hard for me. I stopped hosting, and that was something that I really loved. And so that in our in our friendship community, there wasn't really anyone who took that on. And so in some ways, it felt like so much of our community and our friendships just sort of dissolved, and people are not always forthcoming with their support because it can come across like a question or an interrogation, and people don't always know how to ask how you are without being afraid they're gonna stir something up when you're actually having a good day. So I would say, like for me, that was so much of why I started Better Half to Hold. And part of what I do with my clients is figuring out who is still a part of your support system and really giving some structure to having one person that you're gonna check in with or that you have asked to check in with you intentionally and specifically every couple of weeks, because time is really weird when you are coming through a crisis or out of crisis or in the recovery space. And so having someone who you know in the back of your head, like, I know I'm gonna talk to that person in two weeks, or I know I'm gonna hear from them, and then putting some social structure into your weeks, and it can be as simple as the one friend that you go to yoga class with on Tuesdays, but you just put it into your schedule so you don't have to think about it because your emotional bank is pretty tapped because you're processing a lot of other things and then setting something up monthly with the same person, and you've specifically said, I'm getting consistency in my schedule. Can we plan on this? Because by the time you get to a point where you could be like, I need a friend right now, you may not see them for two weeks because of schedules, like we were talking about earlier. So those are those are two of the like really at the beginning, a couple of things. And then also grieving the loss of that friendship or many friendships, because they can't be the same because your relationship has changed.

SPEAKER_03: 10:27

And then I know my my friends were like well intending to, you know, and you know, I got invited to a few dinners where I was the odd person, you know, with a bunch of you know, couples, and it felt very awkward and then it just kind of fizzled. And and now I'm fine with it now because it's been gosh almost 10 years. But you know, you see those vacations that now they're doing as couples still, and you're I was like, oh, I wasn't invited. I'm like, why would they invite a person by themselves? I mean, that would be ridiculous. But yeah, having that new group of social friends and then making sure that it's something that's planned on a consistent basis. I love that.

SPEAKER_02: 12:02

Madison, do you feel or do you see that like because the dynamic of the friendships shift, and even with the ex partner, the person that you were in a relationship, that that dynamic shifts as well. That there is more than just the strength of having the consistency of the people, but like reevaluating the depth of those relationships as well and what that looks like. Is that an important piece or something that individuals should put on their radar?

SPEAKER_01: 12:28

It it comes up pretty naturally because I think the people who are really invested in the relationship are present. And then the ones that aren't do kind of fall away. And then I think another kind of surprise is the people that do show up that you maybe didn't think cared that much and come in into your life. So there is, there's not a huge emphasis placed on evaluating all of the relationships, but it does happen pretty naturally. It's like who is here? Who is showing up? Who is calling and really appreciating those relationships?

SPEAKER_02: 13:07

Tell us about your journey in forming better half-to-hole. What did that look like? Because I I can't imagine that you went through your experience and you said, you know what I'll do right now, in addition to dealing with all of my emotional baggage and trauma and everything, is start a business because small business ownership is easy.

SPEAKER_01: 13:24

Oh yeah. Might as well.

SPEAKER_02: 13:26

Might as well throw it in there.

SPEAKER_01: 13:28

You know, let's change everything. Exactly. Risk. What's risk? Exactly. So I got divorced in 2018 after we had been separated, separated or like in pretty active for me, it felt like crisis for two and a half years. And so it was a pretty slow death of the relationship. And I had like finally gotten to a place where I was like, okay, there is no future here. And in order for me to move on with my life, I must do something differently. And so it it really wasn't until 2020. I was up at Horse Tooth, which is a reservoir just outside of Fort Collins or in Fort Collins, I guess. And my sister-in-law and I were paddle boarding, and she and I were just talking about like what is next for me professionally, because I had worked at United Way of Larimer County as a fundraiser, and it was such a supportive work environment. And I think it was allowed me to have stability while I was going through the divorce. But I didn't intend to be a fundraiser forever. And so just, I mean, even two years after the divorce, just beginning to explore what could be next. And on the paddle boards, my sister-in-law asked me, What do you feel like you have to offer the world? And I said, My divorce experience, because it felt so different, then most of my friends are still married. Most of my friends have families. Most of my friends, of course, have challenges, but have committed spouses. And so that is a gift and also was not my reality. And so that is really where the idea started. And for a long time, I didn't have any intention of working one-on-one with people because I am not a clinician and didn't know if I had the emotional capacity to support someone actively divorcing. And so that is originally why I started with the like digital resources, the online courses, so that I could share what I had learned, what had helped me, what years of therapy had taught me, what all the books and podcasts I could synthesize and say, like, this is the real deal. This is what actually helped me. And it really wasn't until this last year after dedicating myself to my own healing on a somatic level with the nervous system work and then doing the practitioner program that I felt like I I do now have the capacity to support someone in real time, one-on-one, as they navigate their own trauma, but then also the healing and being able to recognize that yes, you have had a hard time. Yes, you have suffered. But then also how much capacity do you have for joy, for love, for laughter? And we're not trying to say don't suffer, only have joy, but to expand the capacity so you can have both and not be totally derailed when something comes up.

SPEAKER_02: 16:47

I think that's huge. And Madison, even as you share your own story, you said for a couple of years you realize that this was not going into a direction of success or or being able to successfully continue on with that marriage. And so you have years that that built up before actually going through the divorce experience itself. And so when you're talking about finding joy and holding space in terms of being compassionate and and loving and just even like self-love and care, how are you able to work with individuals to refocus the attention to that? Because so much time is often spent in that survival mode, right? It's maybe it'll get better, maybe it'll turn around, maybe it's just me, right? Like all of the things that we say to ourselves. How do you help individuals in in processing through that piece of it?

SPEAKER_01: 17:34

Yeah, I love this question because I think that there is absolutely a place for hope and reconciliation in relationships. And especially if you want it to work out, sometimes that, well, just give it a little more time, or I'll just give it, you know, maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe this is this isn't as bad as I thought it was. I think those are ways we try to stay in it because we hope things will change. Because divorces hard. That's a big change. And so there is safety and feelings of safety and security in staying. So I think hope is really important to help people keep going, especially in those, I don't know, what do you call them? The pre-divorce years or the like challenging years. Because some people do make it to the other side and stay together and have a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Cause I don't think it's fair to say we'll never have those times, because we will, I believe. But we have to start really small in the looking for those moments of joy, looking for small things to be grateful for, because it, especially if someone's had a really difficult time or has been in that survival mode, you are singularly focused because your body from a nervous system standpoint, from a survival stance, you are trying to get through. So you really do shut off all of the other channels, basically, in your brain. It's like, nope, we are on survival channel and joy channel is like not on air. So starting small.

SPEAKER_02: 19:14

It's the after midnight, grainy television, right? Like we'll come back. Regular programming will resume shortly. Right.

unknown: 19:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 19:21

So there's a couple practices that were extremely helpful for me in the actual like divorcing separation, and then even after divorce process. And I had a really dedicated gratitude practice, which for some people sounds a little trite or too fluffy, but it actually is neuroscience. And if you can have some kind of consistent gratitude practice, I sat down every day at work. It was the first thing I did. And there were some days when I literally copied and pasted from the day before because I didn't have the mental energy to come up with a new thing. So I was like, well, my car started. I have health insurance. There's coffee in the coffee pot lounge. I have clothes, you know, like very simple things. Someone smiled at me when I walked in the office, like really, really small things. And then over time, that evolved into now what I call abundance flows, which is an expectant gratitude practice. So it's really focused on the extra, on the overflow, on the things that aren't so basic. But it could be like you got the front parking spot when you were running late, or the server accidentally delivered mozzarella sticks to your table and they let you keep them. It's like things that you would not be like, you know what I want today, universe? I want raspberries to be two for one. You know, like, but they're these, that's the extra. So that has helped me shift my perspective into being able to notice both and tell my brain, like, it's actually okay to notice good things too.

SPEAKER_03: 21:06

Well, I think the more you're doing the gratitude, what you focus on expands. So then you are noticing those abundance that are flowing into you that were happening, but you just didn't even notice them because you were in such that for me, it was I was like in this victim mode of, oh my gosh, I'm going through a divorce, my this is gonna be terrible. And you know, all the things I tell myself or told myself.

SPEAKER_01: 21:28

Well, it's so present. And it's sometimes you can't, it doesn't feel like you can get any distance from it because it is every day and a part of all of your moments or most of them throughout the day.

SPEAKER_03: 21:41

So now do you still do the gratitudes in the morning and then this abundance flows is kind of uh like icing on top?

SPEAKER_01: 21:48

I don't do the gratitudes anymore. Not every day, but I do I don't do it every day. I still have a list, but the abundance flows has become more like what do you got for me today? So it becomes become more playful. Yeah, yeah. I love that.

SPEAKER_02: 22:05

I feel that I started to experience that and live that. Um, my partner and I went on just a quick getaway a few weekends ago. And I mean, it was just when you talk about abundance flows, it was like one thing after another. I mean, like finding cash, like literally in our path in front of us, where people had just like walked over it previously and were like, oh, look, there's a wad of money sitting right in front of us. I'm like, and and so it turned into this thing where something amazing would happen, like small, amazing, abundant things would happen. And I'm like, this town just loves us, right? I'm like, it this town just loves us. It loves us here. We didn't have reservations into a spot. They were like, we can get you in. Come on in. I'm like, it, you all just love us here, right? It was just kind of like this recognition. I'm like, y'all are just everyone's just so happy that we're here. We're so happy that we're here. Just so it does like it starts, it just keeps rippling. Yeah, yeah. I've carried that on. So I didn't let that just stay with the trip. It's you know, in these moments where you get the front row parking spot, or every light stays green for you when you're traveling, or you know, you knock a presentation out of the park or whatever. It's like, ugh, it just everyone just loves me here. This is great. Um, I love it.

SPEAKER_03: 23:13

I love that practice. I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna borrow that phrase, abundance flows, because I think I think that's incredible because it happens all the time.

SPEAKER_02: 23:21

It happens all the time. I didn't have a name for it. So I am so grateful for the name before.

SPEAKER_01: 23:25

And if you do share on social media, tag me because I will reshare it because I think it is such a good reminder to other people to like give yourself 10 seconds and just slow down and pay attention to like what's actually one un unexpected amazing thing that happened today.

SPEAKER_03: 23:43

I love it, and I think you know what? We can create this ripple effect of people, you know, sharing their stories of abundance flows. So I I love it.

SPEAKER_02: 23:54

I will tag in on it for sure. I've got a couple that I need to I need to share. I I love that. And you're right. I mean, the I think more the more you do it, the more you make it part of your practice or not even your practice, just a way of life. As you said, Pam, like the more you start to recognize the little things, and that's what makes this journey so beautiful, are all the little things that happen along the way, right? They're not the big monumentous things that that uh blow our socks off all the time. Like there's some fabulous, amazing things that are happening throughout the day.

SPEAKER_03: 24:23

I just I remember going through my divorce when I was living with, I had to move in with my parents and I had to live with my parents since high school, and I was sharing a room with my daughter and my son. And yeah, so I was doing a gratitude walk every morning, and I, and for me, I had to say a different gratitude every day. So I could not repeat the same. Talk about hard. Like when you're in a victim mindset, that's really hard. But there is this shift where all of a sudden you're like noticing stuff that had been there, but you just didn't notice because you just had your kind of your blinders on. So, like you said, you start noticing abundance flowing into your life. You just like you, Natalie. It's like all of a sudden, it's like everywhere around you, and it's like it's always been there. It's just you've not taken the time to appreciate notice it. You're focusing on other things.

SPEAKER_00: 25:11

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas to fuel the flames of passion. Please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes, and of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.