When Life Derails You, Build a New Track + Resiliency with Marilyn Dogan (part 1)

From a turbulent childhood with an alcoholic father to becoming a successful leader and grandmother of 17, Marilyn Dogan's life epitomizes resilience in its purest form. Her candid conversation with hosts Natalie and Pamela reveals how our darkest moments can become the foundation for extraordinary growth.

Marilyn's story begins at age 16 when she found herself pregnant and faced the heart-wrenching decision to give her baby up for adoption. This choice set her on a path of independence as she left home at 17 to escape dysfunction, determined to create a different life despite seemingly insurmountable obstacles. With unflinching honesty, she reveals how unresolved trauma led her to unconsciously replicate unhealthy patterns; including entering an abusive marriage similar to her parents' relationship.

The conversation takes a powerful turn as Marilyn shares her transformation through the Landmark Forum, which helped her process her past and envision a different future. This became the catalyst for remarkable achievements: becoming the first Black woman to attend carpentry school in Houston, rising to vice president of operations in her father's business, and eventually serving as an executive director at the YMCA where she could impact young lives facing circumstances similar to her own past struggles.

What makes Marilyn's journey so compelling is how she transformed adversity into purpose. "A lot of times the adversities in our life fuel what God has in store for us later down the road," she reflects. Now with three homes, 17 grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren, her life stands as testament to the power of acknowledging trauma without letting it define you.

Whether you're facing your own challenges or supporting someone through theirs, this conversation offers profound wisdom about breaking generational patterns and creating a life of meaning despite difficult beginnings. As Marilyn puts it, "God takes our mistakes and makes them into masterpieces." Subscribe now to hear more stories that will reignite your own resilience in the face of life's challenges.

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Chapters

• 0:06 Introduction to Reignite Resilience
• 0:41 Meet Your Hosts and Special Guest
• 1:38 Pam's Silent Retreat Challenge
• 3:33 Marilyn's Early Life and Family Struggles
• 7:44 Breaking Free and Finding Independence
• 16:08 Turning Points and Career Development
• 19:59 Reuniting with an Adopted Son
• 25:45 Episode Closing

Transcript

Announcer/Intro/Outro: 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

Natalie Davis: 0:41

Welcome back to another episode of Reignite Resilience. I am your co-host, natalie Davis, and I am so excited to be back with you all. And, of course, joining us is your co-host, pam Kass. Hello Pam, how are you today?

Pamela Cass: 0:54

I am fantastic it's Friday which we haven't done a recording on a Friday in a while. So end of the week and the start of a very challenging weekend for me which I am embracing and prepping for.

Natalie Davis: 1:07

Well, you can't speak that over yourself. You got to kind of embrace it a little bit different. It's a different weekend. Tell our listeners what you're doing this weekend.

Pamela Cass: 1:16

I am going to be doing a silent retreat and so from three o'clock today until 7 o'clock on Sunday, I cannot have any technology, no internet. I cannot do any chores, it's just sitting in silence and meditation. I might burst into flames. I don't know, I'm literally like I have never been in a space where I just sat. Still, I'm always doing something, always doing something. So it's going to be challenging and I'm looking forward to seeing what revelations happen.

Natalie Davis: 1:49

Oh, I'm sure you're going to get a ton of downloads, and here's the great part for our listeners. We're recording following the retreat as well, a few days after, yes, so we'll give her some time to go through the experience, download and decompress and then come back and share. But good on you, so it's not going to be a challenging weekend. It's a different structure.

Pamela Cass: 2:10

It's going to be something I've never done, ever in my life Exactly, other than when I'm sleeping, which I don't think that counts.

Natalie Davis: 2:18

No, it does not count. No, it doesn't count. No, I can't wait to dive into it and we may schedule a whole different recording time so that we can talk about your experience and everything that you go through.

Pamela Cass: 2:27

I think that might not be a bad idea because in today's world, where we are bombarded constantly with technology and notifications and we're always busy doing stuff constantly, I think it might be something that people are interested in, and I don't think you have to do it through a company like I'm doing it through. I think you could just do this on your own, exactly.

Natalie Davis: 2:49

Exactly. I feel like the notifications piece would be the part that I would embrace and enjoy. And people that know me or have sat in on sessions I am a non-notification person. I don't usually have notifications on my devices One, because it gives me a little bit of anxiety. But our company utilizes Slack for internal communication and I just downloaded that to my computer today. The dings that were going off and I'm like, oh, this is not going to work for me. This is not. Yes, I'm familiar with Slack, yes, yes, oh, my gosh. Well, we have an amazing guest, a special guest, that's joining us today. So, pam, why don't you tell our listeners who's joining us, and then we will dive in to learning more about their story?

Pamela Cass: 3:32

I love it. So today we have somebody that Natalie knows blast from her past. So we have Marilyn Dogen. I hope I said that right. She has a diverse career spanning the federal government and small business sectors. In 2024, she completed the Excellence in Government Fellowship and currently supervises 250 construction analysts as a supervisor and production manager for the Damage Verification Center. Marilyn has a history of leadership, including serving as officer in charge during the Hurricane Irma and Maria recovery efforts in the US Virgin Islands. She also chairs the SBA's Women's Employee Resource Group. Previously, she served as an executive director and program director for the YMCA, created programs like Smooth Talkers and represented the YMCA of the USA in London. Marilyn has also worked as vice president of operations for a family-owned food truck business. She holds a degree from Texas Southern University, where she competed in debate. In her personal life, marilyn cherishes her large family that consists of four children, 17 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. She enjoys writing poetry and serving as a life coach. Wow, that's a lot, that's incredible.

Pamela Cass: 5:00

Welcome. We are so honored to have you. I'm honored to be here.

Natalie Davis: 5:04

Thank you, thank you. So just for our listeners, to give everyone context and background. So, marilyn, I think it's been 30 years now that I've known you, so it's hard to even say that Maybe longer right or longer.

Natalie Davis: 5:18

Exactly so. One of my high school best friends you are the mother of, and so we were actually reconnected through Chris. He connected with me and said you know, I think my mom's story would be a great story because there are people that are in a season of life that are experiencing similar changes and trying to navigate what the next season slash chapter of life looks like. And then I saw your story and I thought Marilyn has a bigger story to share. Pam shared huge accomplishments that you've done from a professional standpoint, but you've also gone through quite a journey from a personal standpoint. But first of all, before we dive into it, welcome to the show.

Marilyn Dogan: 5:57

Thank you, it's my honor to be here. And, pamela, thank you so much for that wonderful, absolutely wonderful introduction. I do have to say I recently retired too, and I'm transitioning into a new line of work.

Pamela Cass: 6:13

Wow, we can't wait to hear about it. Yes, ma'am.

Natalie Davis: 6:16

I definitely want to hear about that piece. I want to hear about that piece. But before we dive into the professional piece, marilyn, I'd love to start on the personal side, because your story you started out leaving home at a young age, very young. Yes, tell us a little bit about that journey.

Marilyn Dogan: 6:34

You know a lot of families, where you end up is not really where you began. So my family structure, you know, early on was very dysfunctional. I had a father that was alcoholic and an abuser and in any way that you would say this abuse, that abuse, he pretty much covered all of it. So my mother divorced him with five children in tow, and so she had to figure it out real quick how to make things happen. And so I would say that my mother was a good example of a resilient woman, as well as my grandmother, because out of that divorce she moved back to Louisiana, built a brand new home, became a supervisor for the telephone company and began the process of raising us up. But I'm going to tell you, if you don't get help for your scars early on, you're going to find yourself in a position where, no matter how great things are working out, you'll find a way to sabotage that, or maybe not even say sabotage it, but go back to that place of dysfunction again. And so by the time I was 16, I was pregnant and I was like, oh my goodness, you know how did this happen? You know, thinking that I was doing the things that you know were precautionary, but at my young age I really should not have even been engaging in those type of activities where I became pregnant. But at 16, I became pregnant. My mother felt the best solution for me would be to go and stay at an unwed mother's home and give the baby up for adoption. She didn't want to have the responsibility. I mean, she raised five. You know and I'm not here we're bringing more answers Like that's not going to work for me.

Marilyn Dogan: 8:19

So by this time my father became sober, went to Alcoholics Anonymous, redid his life and he's like listen, I want to be active in you guys' life. I'm sorry for the person I was before. Let's get back together and make it work. And I was like mom, don't do that. That ain't the answer. He might not drink, but he's still the same guy. I mean, he was a cheater. He was way more than just don't go back to him. So she was like well, maybe. And so he was living in California. He came down he was like oh my God, you're so cute pregnant. You look like your mom when she's pregnant with you and can't wait for you guys to all join me in California. When he picks up my siblings, brings them to California, me and my mom stay back. I give the baby up for adoption. Fly in the LAX, he picks us up and he's like where's the baby? And I was like gave the baby up for adoption. You gave the baby up. I'm thinking my parents are touching base. But I should have known they've been divorced for all these years of like they didn't communicate, make them surly.

Marilyn Dogan: 9:21

So it became for me an unworkable situation. Every time I would try to do anything. Oh, you're the person that gave your kid right. What do you mean? You want to participate in this? So I just decided. I told him I was like would you mind if I take the things that you bought? Because I'm leaving, I'm not going to live my life and you constantly telling me my mistakes. I have to have a new beginning. So I'm leaving. I'm leaving not this Friday, but next. Would you mind if I take the clothes? Oh, you can take all your stuff. I was like perfect, I'm packing up all my stuff at the front door, I'm still going to school and stuff. And my sister's like what are you doing? I was like y'all could stay in this dysfunction. I think it's got to be something.

Marilyn Dogan: 11:00

And so I had made friends with a young couple and I ended up moving in with them. And then I got connected with another family that kind of befriended me. They weren't good people, but for me they were good enough and I ended up moving in with them. And then my dad gets out the service. He wants me to come back home and I'm like I'm not coming back home, you know. And he goes to the people. He says I'm going to call the FBI and say you kidnapped my daughter if you don't send her back immediately and these guys are street pharmacists, if you know what I mean. And they were like girl, you got to go your dad's about to put the heat on us.

Marilyn Dogan: 11:39

You got to go and I said, okay, I'll leave, I'll leave. This Friday they went out for a family reunion and I didn't go back. I broke into their house. I got arrested by the police. I was pregnant again and I was like, I mean, my goodness, I just keep making these mistakes. And so they took me to San Diego and they said what's your name? I said I can't remember my name because now I'm 70. And in a few months I'm about to be 18. They were like you don't know your name. I was like absolutely, I have amnesia, I don't know your name. I was like, absolutely, I have amnesia, I don't know my name. I said, but I think I turned 18 in December. I said that's all I remember.

Marilyn Dogan: 12:16

They was like fine, anonymous, put her in the room and it was a clean facility and I was like I can do this for four months and then they have to let me out. Let me out. So in them, stand there first day. We get out and I make her friend and this girl's like, oh, you're so cute. I was like, thank you, you're cute too. And then we become friends and I was like girl, what's going on? They had a guy that was hitting his head against the pole. I was like what's wrong with him? She was like, bro, he killed his whole fam. What? She was like yeah, he was 13. He stabbed his mama. I was like, oh, my goodness, then we go a little bit further. She's like you see that guy, he burned his grandmother while she was sleeping. So then I quickly realized these were real criminals and certainly no place for me.

Marilyn Dogan: 13:03

So when we came in from being in the yard, I was like I remember my name. My name is Marilyn Stampe and this is my parents. I was like, as a matter of fact, my aunt is in Compton. She's a nun. Call her, she will come and get me. I was like I don't want to be here anymore. Sister Agnes were coming. I was like could you please get me out of here, because my parents are on their way back home to Louisiana to start the family business. I need to be out of here. She was like oh no, we don't take. In a way, we're teenagers at the convent. She was like you'll just have to wait until your parents get in touch with you. I was like, oh no, so she leaves, but maybe in 24 hours they contact my grandmother. My grandmother buys me a bus ticket and they call me on the PA system. It's like Marilyn Dogen, come to the front desk, you are free to go. So I was shooting a game of pool at the time and it was like they're calling you and I was like, well, I'm going to finish my game before I go, I'm not coming back. Anyways, I ended up catching the bus to Louisiana.

Marilyn Dogan: 14:15

Our family do start this business. It's with trucking shop and it's a fleet of trucks, food trucks. This was the first time that type of industry actually hit the coast of Louisiana. My dad's business became so successful that the governor actually donated a day for him. Governor Trent, at the time we had a multi-million dollar business, was really doing great, but my dad had not changed his stripes. I mean, he wasn't drinking, but he was still kind of cruel. You know, and you know, just to be fair to him his father was killed when he was three years old in front of him. So you know, when you have trauma, as I'm saying, when you have trauma, you have to get it addressed. So my turning point for me is when I went to what's called the Landmark Forum. I don't know if you guys ever heard of that. But the Landmark Forum helps you to take your life as a filing cabinet and take the things that need to be in your future and helps you to put it out of the takes the moment you can create a future that would light you up and just make you understand what you were really put here for.

Marilyn Dogan: 15:37

It was some time before I had that revelation, so you know, for a good while there I was really like just making bad decisions and ended up with a husband that was abusive to me. Why? Because my father was abusive and what you'll notice in a lot of women, or even maybe men too whatever your original relationship is with your parents or whoever raised you, you'll notice that you'll start replicating that, even if it's a messed up situation, like you'll say to yourself well, why would you think that? Because it's subliminal, it's like it fuels you, but it fuels you in the wrong way. So I was in a relationship that I said I never would be in a relationship with a man that hit me. Well, I ended up with a guy that now only he kicked me in my stomach when I was pregnant with my son, so I had twins and then I got pregnant again for my son Chris, and almost had a miscarriage. Go to the doctor and he says, oh, you're threatening a miscarriage. I see you already have twins at home. Would you like to abort the pregnancy? I was like, did my husband call you? I was like I want my baby. And when I tell you I could not picture my life without my son. But again I said I have to get my life together because I have three other people depending on me Besides that, I'm going to reunite with my son that I gave away for adoption. So I strike out by myself. I divorced.

Marilyn Dogan: 17:08

My loser husband, who also was an alcoholic, went to carpentry school. I was the first Black woman to attend carpentry school in Houston, texas, did that for a number of years. My dad became ill. I went back and became vice president of operations for his business. We ended up selling the business, but that experience gave me great management skills, like how do you negotiate contracts, how do you motivate employees. You know we have a fleet of trucks. You know being dependable was something that you know you could not do that. Once you miss your route, you miss your sales. Once you miss your sales, you miss your business. So you know it gave me all of these tools that when I finally became an employee for the Small Business Administration and the YMCA, see, I already had the management skills.

Marilyn Dogan: 17:59

So a lot of times the adversities in our life fuels what God has in store for us later down the road. Do you see it at the times? Certainly not, but I have 17 grandchildren. Every mistake they make I understand, like there's nothing that they could do, that I'd be like you did what? Because I did it all. I did it all. I recovered. I still had a bright future At this time in my life. I have three homes. I have a house in Atlanta I'm at my house right now in Port Arthur getting my daughter situated and I have a beautiful home in Arlington, texas, with a swimming pool in the back yard. I have a little football for the kids to come and play.

Marilyn Dogan: 18:45

Now, was that a predictable result for me when I was 16, 17, by myself locked up? No, that was not predictable for me. And then, after that, what was predictable? I never thought that I would be an executive director of a YMCA and charting the future of young kids that had similar backgrounds to me. I was the program director of the YMCA and third ward. I served a very underprivileged group. You know the guy that was killed, floyd the policeman. He came to my wife. I gave him a scholarship so he could play basketball. So God has provided me lots of opportunities to deposit into young people and I just don't take it lightly. I just think that what needs to happen when a person has a trauma? They have to number one, not pretend it didn't happen. It did happen.

Marilyn Dogan: 19:40

So what it happened, what are you going to do with that story? What are you going to do with that experience? Are you going to bow on the vine? Are you going to take that and say, what else can I do For me? I find myself being a very compassionate person, so I use my previous experience as an opportunity to get people. You know, like there's like I'm so ashamed, I'm so ashamed.

Marilyn Dogan: 20:02

What happened? I had my first baby when I was 17. I said I had mine when I was 16. I was like girl when I was. By the time I was 17, I was having twins by the time I was 20, I had four kids and didn't know what one of them was. So listen, god takes our mistakes and makes it into a masterpiece.

Marilyn Dogan: 20:21

You know, my greatest prayer was that I could reunite with my son that I gave away. And when you give a kid up for adoption, the era that I gave my kid, you sign away, your parole, right, and there is no coming back. No, come back. I said, oh, I think I made a mistake. And could I talk to the parents, or could I? No, everything is still like year is SOS. So I was like Tom, you know how can I do this? I have these other three. I had Chantel, danelle and my son, chris, but it was still like a yearning inside of me what happened to this boy.

Marilyn Dogan: 20:57

So I went back to Catholic Social Services and I tried to say anything negative about them, but they were the ones that handled the adoption. And I went back and I said, listen, I gave a kid away years ago. You guys handled it. Could you give me some information about this? Like, where is he? They was like no, we can't tell. You guys handled it. Could you give me some information about this? Like, where is he? They was like no, we can't tell you where he is.

Marilyn Dogan: 21:18

I said, well, could you reach out to the adoptive parents and see if they would be amenable to that? They said, no, we don't do that, but we can give you some background information. We have a file. I said, okay, that works for me. So they pull up the file. They said, oh, he was adopted by parents that really wanted a son.

Marilyn Dogan: 21:36

I was like, really. They said, yeah, they had a daughter and the woman had three miscarriages. I was like, wow, she said, and they had been praying and praying for a son. And when they adopted your son, they adopted a little girl so he would have a playmate or a sibling to grow up with. I was like that was so thoughtful, you know. And so their older daughter was 16 years older than my son, so the age gap made her very influential. Also in his life, the parents were both educators One was a principal, one was a teacher and you know, they said he's having a great life. So that satisfied me for a couple of years. But then I was like, but I just would like to see a picture. What's so hard? Can I see a picture? So I go back and ask for more information. And by this time I said, if they don't give me the information, I'm going to do like Charlie's Ages. I don't know if you remember that show where they.

Marilyn Dogan: 22:37

They would do these little missions and breaking the people's houses and stuff. And I told my brother. I said, listen, if they don't give me the information, we gonna break and I'm gonna open out when I go and then we'll just like come in through the air conditioner vent or something I was like, and we'll get the information, no worries. I go back and I meet with the lady and I said ma'am, I really want to know what happened to my son. I know you gave me some background information, but I really need a little bit more. She says, ma'am, by law I can't tell you anything. I'm just so sorry. I was like, wow. So then, maybe two seconds later, somebody knocks at her door and they said we need to see you immediately. So she leaves and leaves the file on her desk. So then I hurry up, I turn the file around A perfect Charlie's Angel moment.

Marilyn Dogan: 23:28

Totally. I turn around the file it says Leroy Aaron and I turn the file back and then she comes back and I was like you know what? I don't want to pretend to compromise the position. Thank you so much. So I go back to the unwed mother's home and I said Miss Esprit, can you give me any information about my child? She says forget, you ever had a child. She was like move on, have more kids and just pull yourself up and forget about that. She said nice, people in New Orleans adopted your son and my understanding is that he's doing great. So I said, okay, thank you.

Marilyn Dogan: 24:05

I immediately went home, called information for Leroy Aaron in New Orleans and they said we don't have a Leroy Aaron, but we have one Aaron. I was like, oh, give me that number. So dial the number. It's like hello, may I speak to Leroy Aaron? But we have one Aaron. I was like, oh, give me that number, so dial the number. It's like hello, may I speak to Leroy Aaron? And he was like ain't no Leroy Aaron here, click. And I was like God, I've been praying to you for years to get a final breakthrough and when I get a breakthrough the man hangs up in my face. Ms Esprit is not going to give me more information. The people at Catholic Social Services pretty much told me it's a dead end.

Announcer/Intro/Outro: 24:42

I was like now what am I supposed to do? Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.