Purpose, Sobriety + Resiliency with Aaron and Mitch (part 2)

Have you ever wondered how compassion can play a pivotal role in the recovery journey from addiction? Join us as we sit down with Aaron and Mitch, the insightful co-hosts of the Shattered Darkness podcast, to unravel the complexities of battling addiction with empathy and understanding. We take a deep dive into recognizing the signs of addiction and the importance of providing support without judgment. You'll hear about essential resources such as AA meetings and Al-Anon, which offer a lifeline to both those struggling and their loved ones. By framing addiction as a clinical disease, we discuss how setbacks can be reframed as opportunities for growth, emphasizing the need for strong support systems and personal responsibility in the recovery process.

In a powerful narrative of personal transformation, discover how Aaron's vivid dream became the catalyst for launching a podcast that bridges gaps in sobriety. This journey of faith and newfound purpose highlights the challenges of overcoming addiction and the triumphs of embracing sobriety. With Aaron's complementary skills playing a crucial role, this episode captures the profound gratitude and emotional fulfillment that comes with realizing meaningful goals. Listen as we explore how embracing sobriety not only ignites personal growth but also creates the foundation for achieving dreams, offering insights and inspiration for anyone seeking resilience and recovery.

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Chapters

• 0:06 Supporting Alcoholics Through Recovery
• 14:10 Dreams and Sobriety

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Welcome back to part two of our two partpart conversation with Aaron and Mitch, the co-host of Shattered Darkness podcast. We're going to dive right back in where Aaron and Mitch are going to share with us some tools, some resources and some different modalities that are available for either you or someone you know that may be suffering from addiction, helping and ensuring that they take that step onto the journey of sobriety. And while we're here to provide you stories of resilience and triumph, we want to remind you that we are not licensed professionals. So if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, reach out to a family member, loved one, or dial 988 from your phone to connect with someone. Today, your mental health matters. Every step towards recovery is triumph. You have the power to overcome and we are here to continue to inspire you along the way. We hope you enjoy.

Speaker 3: 1:37

So if you're talking to somebody that is in a relationship or know somebody that they think might be in a similar situation, are there signs for people to be looking for? Because I imagine that there were points for both of you that you were almost like crying for help or wanted help, but maybe just didn't even realize it. Are there things that people that are on the outside can be aware of so that they can lean in? Because I do think it is something that very few people can just say you know what, I'm going to stop drinking and don't need any support. I am assuming most people need something, whether it's a higher power or it's family or friends. You guys were blessed to the fact that you have incredible families and support that were there for you and push you, but not everybody has that you know and I think you're right that rehab process.

Speaker 4: 2:31

For me I would say, if you're there and you just want help, go to a meeting. They're everywhere, they're all the time. You know we're really, we're not reaching aa, we're not supporting aa, we're not, we're not reaching AA, we're not supporting AA, we're not doing anything like that. But it's very helpful and if you want immediate help, immediate support, and you don't have anyone in your life that you feel like you can go to do that, go to that. That's the best place that you can start. And then I would say, from there, rehab is a great option. We have really really, really, really great medical facilities in Northern Colorado. There's amazing rehab facilities here from Boulder, denver, northern Colorado.

Speaker 4: 3:11

I went to one in Lublin and then if you're the individual on the outside and you're like gosh, I think this person might be an alcoholic. They actually have very similar meetings for family members of alcoholics called Al-Anon exact same structure. It's just geared towards those people that are with an alcoholic, in a relationship with them, or drug addicts. So those are great resources that you can use and I would just go into those meetings and listen, speak up and if it rings a bell, then maybe have that conversation, open that conversation and really the thing that I want people to understand about alcoholics is that once we get to a certain point, we don't really have control over it. We do and we don't right.

Speaker 4: 3:56

The medical world sees this as a clinical disease, right, as something like this is a sickness that these people are dealing with and I think that genetically we're predisposed to it. So I would say to the non-alcoholic working with the alcoholic try to have some compassion, because that person in their deepest, darkest addiction is not. That's not who they are. That's the alcohol right. And for me personally, I remember telling this when I relapsed, everybody in my life looked at me and they're like why did you relapse? And I'm like well, and I thought about that. I didn't know how to answer it at first. I thought about it. I'm like why would you ask me that question?

Speaker 1: 4:33

I relapsed because I'm an alcoholic.

Speaker 4: 4:35

This is how I've dealt with all of my issues for 20 years. You know, why would I not do that? I that I think that's a better question, and so I think it's human nature to just immediately focus on the failure. But failure is not necessarily a bad thing. So I told my wife I'm like we need to reframe that. Instead of asking me why I drank that's pretty obvious why don't we reframe that question and say how do we get you to not do that again? We know that you're an alcoholic, we know that this is something you're going to struggle with. So let's set that aside.

Speaker 4: 5:07

Let's stop berating the alcoholic for the issue. You know, it's kind of like that idea of love the sinner, hate the sin, you know, and that's a weird dichotomy, right. It's a hard place to be, because that person is probably tearing your life apart. But in that sense, what they need is compassion, not judgment, because they're already judging themselves to the nth degree, and that's why they're struggling with the alcoholism is because they hate themselves. So by you coming in and making them feel even worse, it's just not helpful, right? So it's a weird place for the non-alcoholic to be, because it's a true place of service, you know, and it's like, hey, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get this person to help, but then at that point, that person, that alcoholic, needs to pick up they got to pick up the ball and then play the game. And if they don't, then at that point I think that's where hard decisions start to be made.

Speaker 4: 6:04

You know, is this somebody that I want to continue to spend my life with? And you know, I have really good friends that are struggling and their wives reach out to me and the first thing I always ask them is are you safe? And there's been multiple times where, yeah, I don't necessarily feel safe. Can you come over Whatever? But it's. That's not that person, you know, and in that regard too, you've got to make those decisions for yourself. But I told her that it's like, look, I love your husband to death, but if he's putting you in danger, then you need to leave. You know, and you have every right to do that. So it's tough. You know, I feel like aaron and I are I don't know man just going into this, this darkness, right, like that's why we named our podcast Shattered Darkness, because this is so chaotic and it doesn't make sense. You know it's for the non-alcoholic and the alcoholic. It's just chaos, and so to try to unwind that chaos, it's really difficult.

Speaker 2: 6:59

Well, I think, mitch, you touch on a big piece, because when we look at alcoholism or any type of addiction as a disease, then you layer that with the habits that are created, right? Because I mean, you talk about the things that you went through in 2024, and there are many moments where I think, oh well, you just have a cocktail.

Speaker 2: 7:20

And so you have not only the disease that you're working through but the habits that you've created, and we know how long it takes just the human mind to detach from these habits that we go through life and creating. And, as you mentioned, these are habits that you worked on creating for 20 years, right?

Speaker 4: 7:35

So they're kind of you know subconscious habits which you won't even really realize that they're there, yeah, yeah, won't even really realize that they're there, yeah, exactly. And that's where I think that that full surrender has to come. You know, it's got to be this like, okay, I'm laying down every decision for my life, just because I simply can't do it right now, and then you rebuild it right, like that's. Step one in AA is to say I have zero control over my addiction and I'm going to give it to God.

Speaker 5: 8:05

When you talk about decisions, a lot of people think decisions equal consequences, and if you're approaching someone, if you're a mom or a son or wife, spouse, anything, if you're approaching someone, you need to help them make that decision, so there's zero negative consequences from that decision, meaning a soft landing. Fighting fire with fire on alcoholics is really really tough because most likely it's going to lead to an explosion. And if you come to someone, it's a lot easier. If someone were to come to me and say man, how are you doing, honestly, how are you doing? You're more willing to open up, and then it's okay, let's go, not necessarily coming out and just offering rehab straight away, but listening, compassion, like Mitch said, and it doesn't have to be a right now. Let's get up and go. Life isn't the intervention show on A&E, it's not that. But I have to say thanks for having thought too.

Speaker 4: 8:57

And I would say to the non-alcoholic person get them in touch with somebody that understands it, because that's just something that you know, that's where the meetings, I think, are super important, because my wife never bought it.

Speaker 4: 9:08

She still doesn't get it. I struggle with nicotine. I mean, I have an addictive personality. She just never will get that. So it's. I think it was really helpful for me to see the brokenness in other people. Honestly, you know, I know that sounds really crappy, but all of a sudden for so long I felt like I was on this island, you know and I told my wife that many times like I feel like I'm emotionally on this island, but it was all of this stuff that I was creating inside of myself. Right, it was the guilt, the shame, the lying, all of it, which my wife knew about it. She just decided to let me kind of go through my process.

Speaker 5: 9:43

Sorry, I feel like we totally hey, not to interrupt, man, but that point can't be understated. That was the only thing that I was well, I shouldn't say it that way. I'm extremely excited.

Speaker 4: 9:53

I went to those two meetings because listening to everybody like that's me, that's me, that's me nice because that's the thing I feel like those alcoholics and drug addicts feel they're the only ones struggling with it, or maybe they're the only ones that have made the choices that they've made. But really, at the end of the day, there's a lot of people and people in walks of life that would really surprise you.

Speaker 3: 10:15

Yeah, that mask it very well and I think that it goes back to what you were talking about. You were drinking basically to numb what you were feeling, that feeling of abandonment. You, aaron, you were drinking because of the pain you were in. Everybody has. I think most people have things that they do to numb things. You know whether it's overeating, undereating, whether it's the drinking, if it's the drugs, if it's the working out, if it's working. Everybody's got something that they do to numb something else that they've got going on.

Speaker 4: 10:48

It's funny Like I remember you as my manager, broker, my father. The word balance has always come up in my life, you know, and it's it's more true today than it ever has been, and it's if you really break that down and think about it. Things get bad when things are out of balance. You know, and it doesn't matter what it is, Like you said it could be, I'm spending too much time with my kids. You know, work is struggling here and there and I think, pam, you actually were the one that told me this years ago.

Speaker 4: 11:13

But true discipline actually is what creates freedom in your life, Absolutely. If you do all the things that you're supposed to do, when it comes to the enjoyment phase of your life is so much more enjoyable, right, because you've done everything that you were supposed to do to get to the top. And that's why we use the analogy of climbing the mountain, like there's no way to skip a step in this process. And I really think in any process of life you can't skip a step. And I tried for years to shortcut life, you know, and it was like and now I'm 38 years old and I feel like I'm back at square one, like okay, you know, kind of restarting the business. I had to reframe who I am in my own mind, and the farther you get away from addiction, the easier that is to do. But my wife and I just chose to look at 2024 as like, hey, this is our year to rebuild, to learn, to educate ourselves, to rebuild ourselves, our family, our business, whatever it is.

Speaker 3: 12:10

Well, I think we live in a world of everything's hyper sped up. You see people on social media. They start something and then they're a millionaire. They go on a weight loss journey and then they're thin, and it's like everything's so hyper fast.

Speaker 4: 12:30

People think that there's no work behind everything. We'll have done, you're right, and that's. And that's the part I feel like the next generation behind us is starting to get that, because I'm starting to see these videos on social media where it's like somebody lands this like 200 meter ski jump or whatever, but then they rewind it and it's like how did they get to that point? It's like let's focus on the grind, let's focus on that and let's equip people with the tools and things that they need to practice resiliency in their own life, to rebuild themselves, to admit like, yeah, okay, I'm really messed up over here. I need some help.

Speaker 4: 13:00

This idea of toxic masculinity where it's like, oh man, I just hold on to this dude. The strongest men in my life are the ones that cry on my shoulder and allow me to do the same thing, because, at the end of the day, I'm still an emotional being, you know, and I am who I am. I am who God created me to be and I need those things in my life and God created me that way. So why are we running away from those things and sitting towards them?

Speaker 3: 13:25

Well, and I think that, like with your journey and with any journey that anybody's taking, it's the getting up every day and just keep going, because you're going to have really good days and you're going to have really crappy days, and it's keep one foot in front of the other and keep that momentum going so that you don't give up and surround yourself with supportive people that are going to say, hey, come on. No, you got this, let's go, let's go, I'm here.

Speaker 2: 13:52

The only thing I can think about is, like Biggie's verse on it was all a dream. We want to hear the dream. Mitch, what was this dream that you had? That you woke up, you documented it and now we have the birth of a podcast and lives that are being transformed via the podcast. Walk us through that piece.

Speaker 4: 14:10

I grew up in church, spiritual, you know. I've always believed in God, always, no matter where I've been at in my life, it's been a part of my life. I feel like I'm a very faith-driven person. It's weird because I can rationalize it. One of my favorite podcasts right now is Fall of Civilizations, which totally challenges faith, but I love it. So, anyways, I say all that to say I feel like this dream was from God, and I don't really remember my dreams very often. I'm a night owl, so I'll stay up until my eyes are like burning. It's crazy, I know, but I get a lot of good stuff done. So when I fall asleep, I fall asleep hard and I usually don't remember my dreams. But this, it was so vivid and it was just like I was living. Everything that we just went through over the past eight months, right, like so. It was okay.

Speaker 4: 14:57

I knew the topic. The topic was given to me sobriety. We are going to bridge the gaps in sobriety and this is. It's hard for me to put it in imagery, but the idea is there, it comes into my mind and then I see myself in this store buying equipment, right To do this podcast, setting up my office, soundproofing my office, which I didn't do. So, creating this space in my office down to who am I going to bring onto the podcast, right? I mean, I woke up and I was like I had 30 people in my mind that I was like I know that these people will do it right. So I see all of these things in this dream and I think it was more the feeling of it. And I woke up, it was two o'clock in the morning and I snapped awake which never happens Snap awake and I've got this whole vision and this desire inside of me that I maybe only felt. And so I just went down to my office and I wrote it all down and I just wrote everything that I could think of Like these are the people that you want to have on. This is what it's going to look like, this is the vibe that I wanted it to be.

Speaker 4: 15:58

I grew up skating, snowboarding, kind of really into that grunge culture tattoos, things like that. I already knew who I was going to go to for the graphics my best friend. I already knew what my tagline wanted to be what good shall I do this day for Tyler? You know, I just had all of these things and it was like God just rolled it all up into a ball and just stuck it into my mind and I was able to just articulate everything perfectly. And then, on top of it, it was funny Aaron talks about our relationship.

Speaker 4: 16:30

I started this thing, I start talking about this thing, telling people about it, and all in the meantime I'm trying to find a co-host, all the while Aaron's already behind the scenes working on it. I had this idea of who I wanted to be my co-host and God could not have chose the more perfect person, because we are so opposite. We fit that Simon Sinek quote so perfectly. And it was probably two weeks with Aaron's working on it. He's helping me, he's setting things up and finally I'm like, hey, dude, do you just want to partner with me on this? And he's like, didn't we already do that.

Speaker 4: 17:04

So in my mind, god just kind of brought him into my life. And then we start talking about it, we start working on it. I buy the equipment, I do the things and since May, all of these things have happened exactly how I saw them, almost exactly. The equipment is still in my office, even though we don't use it. We were lucky enough to get some people in Lublin to donate equipment and space to us and we've really not invested a ton of money into this. We're trying to do it without breaking our bank, without interrupting the real estate industry and the amount in our life, and so we have these really big goals and I wrote all that stuff down and I feel like that's kind of how that went.

Speaker 4: 17:45

And then just being here like releasing a podcast last week, was kind of just like I sat back and I was like, oh my gosh, like we actually did it, you know, because for so long it was like I would just get stressed in the process and the booze would kill the dream. And it didn't. And I think, pam, you saw that in my life in real estate it was as my coach and it just alcohol just killed my dreams. I turned me into somebody that I didn't recognize. That's the other thing, man. It just takes things away from you. It causes you to do things that you told yourself you'd never do.

Speaker 4: 18:18

So sitting here last week listening to myself which I hate doing I just had this overwhelming sense of gratitude. It was like I was just sitting there with Tyler listening to this hey, man, we won't forget you. We won't let this be what you're remembered for. You're like, you're going to remember for bridging that gap. You know I'm going to take you to that point, and so it's really like I'm about to start crying. It's been hard, but it's been the most life. And to have Aaron come in and just say yes to everything, fill the gaps where I couldn't listen to the episodes I couldn't do this because I just tore it apart, you know and to have Aaron come in and just, no fear, go for it and push it, it's exactly what we needed. That's exactly the relationship that I'm using. So I don't know it's, it's watching the dream come to fruition. It's something I haven't experienced a lot in my life. And I'm telling you, man, it's sobriety, it's the only, that's the only decision that led me to this point.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Well, thank you for sharing that. That's powerful. We had a past guest that shared. Once you get those messages, those downloads from God source, whoever you believe in, that higher power, that higher being she recommended the best thing that you can do is take immediate action, like the most action that you can take in the first 24 hours after that. So you got right up, you wrote it down and you said, okay, how can I start getting these pieces into place? Who's on my team? Who's making this work? And here you are, so kudos to you for that.

Speaker 4: 20:48

Like Aaron said, we don't say it enough to each other, we just get in and we grind. I'm really grateful for him. I love you, dude. I appreciate everything you've done. I love you too, bro.

Speaker 3: 20:58

That's awesome. It's way more fun to have somebody that has a shared passion do it.

Speaker 2: 21:04

Exactly.

Speaker 4: 21:05

Yeah, we're excited to see where it goes. And you know, really our goal was our community, was just to focus on the community. If there's people out there that want to be on our podcast, shoot us an email at shatterdarkness5, at gmailcom, and we'll set up an interview and we'll do that.

Speaker 5: 21:21

But really it's just I just want to bring this to our community, you know what's cool, though Mitch is, I was looking, so, you know, Mitch is the vision and I'm the nerd behind the scenes. I'm looking at all of our video analytics and seeing where we've reached and all that. And we're in UK, we're in Spain, we're in Indiana. We're going to have all these guests from all these different places, and so we do want to take care of our community. Our northern Colorado is our backyard, of course, but we're not going to limit ourselves to that. If we grow this thing to where we want it to be, you know, we're going to be a resource for people. Wherever, however, is needed Because one thing Mitch didn't touch on is of his buddy, who passed away right before he died by suicide was of his last calls.

Speaker 5: 22:01

They were to rehab facilities and none of which took his insurance, which I'm going to cuss. It's bullshit. There is no reason that we shouldn't have resources for that, Like even a waiting period, like what could happen in two weeks. You know, we want to be immediate, we want to be fast. I mean not to play into this whole microwave culture, but we want to be able to fast moving ship so that if we had money sitting right here, boom, your sister and your top away. You go here boom. Your sister needs help.

Speaker 4: 22:26

Away. You go here, go get right.

Speaker 5: 22:27

Mitch's vision is so big I don't think he realized how, and it was really easy to piggyback on and like, dude, let's go, this is easy, let's just talk about it. That's the first step. Talk about it.

Speaker 3: 22:42

Love it. I love it and I think hopefully people listening to our podcast I mean they can reach out to you if they have resources for you. That would be the goal is that you guys get somebody that reaches out and says, hey, we've got this resource that we maybe don't even know about yet.

Speaker 4: 22:53

Yeah, and who knows, you know, I mean, I've got a buddy in Texas that I'm getting to know a little bit, that's in the same space, and his goal is to start his own rehab facility, you know. So really I have no idea where this is going to go. I think another thing that was huge in the process was living in the moment. I'm just focusing on today. I know it sounds super cliche, but I always say make your plans for the future, but don't live there, because all it does is create anxiety and stress. And all of a sudden you find yourself guilt motivated and you're doing things because you feel guilty about it, not because you're passionate about it. And you know when you do that, your level of input is so much less than if you're bringing a true passion to it. So I don't know. I just just look at today. Right, what? What can I do right now? Is going to push that, that rock open?

Speaker 3: 23:45

Love it, I love it. So which day of the week does the podcast air? How can they find you All of that good stuff?

Speaker 5: 23:53

so that our listeners so one day we release new episodes. Right now we're on YouTube and it's a Shattered Darkness podcast, and then on Spotify Shattered Darkness.

Speaker 4: 24:05

Instagram. You can follow us at ShatteredDarknessNoCo, and if you have questions that you want us to answer on air on our podcast, you can email us at ShatteredDarknessPod.

Speaker 5: 24:15

That's something that we want to do a little more of, too, is hop up on Instagram or Facebook Live and interact and answer some of these questions, because that stuff is immediate, so please share them, let us know. Reach out to us. We're going to get back to you. I got no problems. If anybody has a situation they're going through right now and I know I can speak for Mitch too We'll jump on the phone. We'll talk to someone straight away. Like this doesn't wait. We can't wait eight weeks to answer a question before our podcast launches. Reach out to us now, just come.

Speaker 4: 24:41

If you need help, we're here. You know we'll do everything we can to help you bridge the gap. Obviously, we don't have a ton of resources in place yet, but we will and honestly, it's just talking about it. Like Aaron said, you know, you just bring it to the surface and we'll take it from there.

Speaker 5: 24:55

We're not licensed therapists, by the way.

Speaker 3: 25:00

We're just guys that want to help, just to be clear Get them in the right direction, point them in the right direction, get them the help that they need At least be a friend or resource stepping stone.

Speaker 3: 25:11

Yeah, I love it. Well, I think you guys are starting something that's going to be incredibly huge and is going to impact a lot of lives, and so, for that, your vulnerability and sharing your stories is so powerful and thank you so much for what you're doing. It's definitely a need out there and, as you shared, the gap of people being able to get help it's there, and so if this closes that gap a little bit, then it's incredible.

Speaker 4: 25:41

Well, thank you guys Pam and Natalie for having us on here, and we know you guys have been doing this for what's probably going on a couple of years now. I wanted to say congratulations on your book. That's amazing. That's something on my bucket list is to write a book, so I just I would love to talk to you guys more personally about the creative process and what that looked like, but yeah, I just wanted to say that Anytime, and we'll send you a signed copy, exactly.

Speaker 4: 26:10

Put it on my on my desk right back here.

Speaker 2: 26:11

Perfect mitch. Our philosophy is typically we commit to doing the thing and then we figure out how to do the thing after so if that helps you in any way, I love that.

Speaker 4: 26:19

Why don't you just say yes and then you're like crap, how are we actually gonna do this now? That's what we do exactly that's the thing is. Maybe you're putting cause. You guys said yes to an actual publisher, right? Yeah, yeah, that's amazing, yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 26:34

That's, that's been our. It's our theme, it's our motto, it's our MO, it's it's how we operate, but maybe we'll write a book about that.

Speaker 3: 26:48

That's probably where we should write a to book it is. Thank you so much it really truly means the world to have this opportunity. Yeah, it was, thank you. Great to meet you, erin and mitch.

Speaker 2: 26:52

It's been an honor to have you in my life it has been wonderful and I will make sure that I include all of your contact information and the podcast link in our show notes for this episode as well, so that our listeners can reach out to our guests. So we'll make sure that we get them in touch with you if they if they are curious and just connecting, learning more, or they truly have a need. I encourage our listeners to reach out because mitch and aaron have extended that invitation and I think it's with all sincerity, so thank you for doing that absolutely you guys too, and thank you so much again.

Speaker 4: 27:24

Truly, I just can't say thank you enough. You bet God bless y'all.

Speaker 2: 27:28

Thank you. Oh my gosh, what an amazing episode. Mitch and Erin, thank you. Thank you. We appreciate you so much and, as usual, if you all are looking for more information about what's happening in the world of Reignite Resilience, head on over to reigniteresiliencecom or find us on Instagram and Facebook at Reignite Resilience Podcast. Until next time, we will see you all soon. Bye, everyone.

Speaker 1: 27:50

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience Podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.