Addiction + Resiliency with Mitch & Aaron (part 1)

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• 0:06 Reignite Resilience
• 12:52 Personal Transformation Through Sobriety

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. Resilience where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Today's episode touches on addiction, a very challenging but important topic, and we want to thank our guests, aaron and Mitch, for facing this topic head on. And while we're here to provide you stories of resilience and triumph, we want to remind you that we are not licensed professionals, so if you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, reach out to a family member, loved one, or dial 988 from your phone to connect with someone. Today, your mental health matters. Every step towards recovery is triumph. You have the power to overcome and we are here to continue to inspire you along the way. We hope you enjoy. Welcome back to another episode of Reignite Resilience. I am your co-host, natalie Davis, and I'm so excited to be back with all of you today and joining me is none other than Pam Cass.

Speaker 3: 1:31

Hello Pam, how are you? I am absolutely fabulous because it is the first Monday of a new year, 2025, and I'm always energized, the first month, I don't know, and I'm going to make sure that it lasts the entire year, but for now, I'm like just on, you're rocking and rolling. Yes, we accomplished something huge, and we're going to say it because we have not talked about it yet, because this is our very first recording of the new year. Yes, we actually finished our first book. Yes, when was it the end of the year? Like like over Christmas break? Yes, so now it is going to go off to, yeah, the powers that be, and so look for that coming in 2025. I am so excited, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:14

The fabulous editing process. It's going to be great.

Speaker 3: 2:19

Yeah, but it's a labor of love. I'm excited, exactly.

Speaker 2: 2:22

Exactly. I feel like you know, as we transition into the new year, it is always kind of this level of excitement that you have, but I typically take some time off at the end of the year and come back. And so I'm coming back after 20 plus days out of the office and let me tell you it has been a Monday of Mondays if I've ever had one so good. Oh, my goodness. But I am so excited because we are starting the year off strong with two fabulous guests today. So you all are in for a treat. Pam, why don't you tell our listeners who's joining?

Speaker 3: 2:53

us. I am excited about this because I know one of the guests and somebody that I absolutely adore, and so so grateful that he is here. And so today we have Mitch and Aaron, and their goal is to remove the stigma around sobriety from addiction. What they focus on? Alcohol and drugs. They have both, at one point in their lives, been addicted to alcohol. They have been through the process of getting sober and want to share their experience and the experiences of others. So their podcast is a combination of stories of people from their community, people just like them, who have struggled with addiction, but through ownership and vulnerability, they have overcome their addictions and are prospering today. So today we have Mitch and Erin. We are so grateful for you joining us and sharing your story, and I hope that it's inspirational for everybody, so welcome.

Speaker 4: 3:49

Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, and especially with you, pam. You and I just have this connection and I'm so grateful for that. You've just been such an inspirational person in my life, so very happy to be here.

Speaker 3: 4:02

I am so proud of you and how far you've come, and so let's kind of start there. I'd love for you both to share your stories and you know what's brought you here today and what's inspired you to launch this podcast, which I did listen to the first episode, and I have subscribed, and so our listeners, I want you guys to do the same, and so, yeah, if you guys would share your stories with us.

Speaker 4: 4:25

Yeah, absolutely. And Aaron, if you want to start man, I'll let you start and I'll kind of go in between. Yeah sure.

Speaker 5: 4:31

Well, what's really good about us being here? It all starts with Mitch. I mean, I got a phone call from him that he woke up one day. He's like God's telling me to do something. I need to do something with this gift of sobriety that we have and I'm very, very vocal about my sobriety and that's truly what's helped me stay right for these last eight years. And when I got that call I was yeah, you told me to jump how high. You know where are we going? Let's go. I didn't even think. I didn't question it. No, no, because I was already kind of on this, somewhat of a being vocal about it more publicly.

Speaker 5: 5:04

For my business, I do mortgage loans and I was very nervous about coming out and saying I'm sober because of what someone might think.

Speaker 5: 5:12

A mortgage loan is a pretty big milestone in someone's life and I was worried that someone might think that, oh, they're right, in the middle of it, I'm just going to go off the rails and start drinking again.

Speaker 5: 5:21

But it was really quite the opposite and that's kind of the, I guess, resiliency of this that we kind of have to go through is a lot of times you have to see something that's tough and you just got to fight right through it and it is beautiful on the other side. So on my sober journey I could go on for a long time, but basically eight years ago my wife held my son and said you need to get sober or get gone, and that's really what did it for me. I was able to turn it off. I know that's not really that easy for most people, but went to a couple of meetings, found therapy was the way for me to get sober, and once I was able to be honest with myself, which in turn I could be honest with Linnea and then be honest with Connor about the situation where I was. That was a catalyst where I was able to run and never look back.

Speaker 4: 6:06

So it's funny, dude, you mentioned the fact. First of all, thank you. This whole podcast started for me. This whole process started for me. I lost one of my best friends in 2021, committed suicide, and it was the one that tipped the scales for me. It wasn't the first. I had a lot of friends over the past 20 years that I've lost, but he was really close to me and somebody that I never really thought would do that and come to find out, trying to get into his life after he passed away, that it was alcohol. He was struggling with alcohol and rehab. He was trying to get into rehab during COVID and he couldn't. And so I know, with my journey, when I started to get sober and get into rehab, the rehab process and getting access to it was really difficult, so I did. I had a dream one night where I felt like it was prophetic. I felt like God was giving me this dream because it was so vivid and so I could remember every small detail of it. So I wrote it all down and it was the foundation for this podcast and that's what our tagline around our logo it's what good shall I do this day? That's in honor of my friend Tyler that passed away he was. That was something that was in his office that he looked at every day.

Speaker 4: 7:11

So you know to answer your question, pam, this really starts with. It started for me at a young age, probably 19. I think I had some abandonment issues that I went through, and mental health at that age wasn't really a thing. I don't think that at that age I got the tools that I needed to really manage the stress in my life and anxiety. I feel like I struggle with those things more than normal. I probably should have been on some kind of medication at teenage age. You know, my emotions and things like that were just so heavy and so real and I can feel that I just didn't know what to do with that. So when I discovered alcohol, it helped me with that, you know. It kind of took away those really intense feelings inside of me. I mean there would be times that I would get so angry that I felt like my chest was going to explode, and so since then, since the rehab process and recovery, I have started to take some medications that have really helped me level that out and really I think the biggest thing is looking at your life right, breaking your life down.

Speaker 4: 8:15

This is why I loved the rehab process so much, because they force you to come in there and lay it all out on the table and say, look, this is who I am, this is what Mitch Benner is compiled of. And then you look at all those pieces right, and you break those pieces down. You're like, why do I do this, why do I do this, why do I do that? And you start to look at every aspect of your life and then you can kind of pick the pieces that you want to keep. I want to take this, I like this part of myself. You know I like this part of myself. I don't like that. And you kind of start to rebuild yourself through that rehab process and you know a lot of it is mental health, a lot of it is therapy, psychiatric work, things like that. So all of those things have been a part of the process to get us to where we are today. So I hope that answers your question. But yeah, just this whole thing just started off, that desire to really stop losing my friends.

Speaker 3: 9:04

Yeah, yeah, wow. I mean so sorry for the loss of your friend and thinking about during the pandemic and people not being able to get to rehab. Is that still something that people struggle with, or is it hard for people to find that help or that support?

Speaker 4: 9:23

I think so. I mean speaking to that you're, at least for me. When I was in that process, I thank God I have my brother and my wife there to help me make those decisions, because I didn't even trust myself. You know I was ready to sign a power of attorney for my brother. So I think the answer to that is yes. I think there are some gaps there that need to be addressed and hopefully that's something that we can do over time. I know for me personally too, I've had people not go to rehab because they can't get there, they can't drive there, and so, yeah, I think those gaps are still there. It's insurance, it's hey, how are we going to get paid? And those gaps are still there. It's insurance, it's hey, how are we going to get paid? And I don't think that that should be an issue. So eventually we would love to start a 501c3, so have some kind of trust fund, something available for people that really need that, because I relapsed hard in those two weeks trying to get into rehab and it was pretty brutal, and I don't think a lot of people know this, but rehabs and alcohol is extremely dangerous, because when you stop drinking, you stop drinking this insane amount of alcohol half a bottle bottle, whatever it is.

Speaker 4: 10:28

Well, when you relapse, you go right back to that same amount of drinking, right, but you have however many days in between that last drink and that next drink, and alcohol is the only substance that can actually kill you when you detox from it. So it's very dangerous. Alcohol is very dangerous. The relapse in alcohol can be extremely big. So that's what we're hoping really that we can bridge that gap and just share our stories and bring awareness to it.

Speaker 3: 10:57

So both of you had pretty significant events that happened. So your Aaron, your wife, was like get it or get out, get help or get out. You lost a dear friend to suicide. So how does somebody know when it's time, like, are there signs? Were there signs for you guys before you had those significant events that led you to reach out, or are there things that people can look for?

Speaker 5: 11:22

That's an amazing question and kind of partly for me through this journey it's for this podcast is trying to find that exact answer. We've helped numerous people and in fact today I got a. I got a call from a guy. I got connected from a mutual friend and he is trying to find that exact answer. He doesn't want rock bottom to happen. He's seeing his alcohol slowly increase and he's like I think this is my sign to stop. Ultimately, what it comes down to is the individual has to be ready, but more than that, I feel like there is some catalyst.

Speaker 5: 11:53

I was, for example, I was so hurting. I felt like I was lying to my wife. The second I walked into the door every day because I was hiding all this alcohol in my car. I was a restaurant manager, so I was stealing alcohol from the bar to drink. So the lying, the stealing, I was in pain. I had to drink because I was in physical pain, emotional pain and all that. I just needed the guts. To be honest, that was it for me. I don't know if there's any one thing, but Mitch, maybe you can help with that.

Speaker 4: 12:26

It's a great question.

Speaker 4: 12:26

It's actually something that we were talking about recently. People get to define their own rock bottom. I know guys that are having seizures and need nine months of rehab, you know, and it's their life is on the line. But I also know people that maybe they're just not there for their kids, you know, or they're saying very hurtful things to their adult children. The great thing about life and about all of this stuff is we get to make that decision right, and so I think it's very personal.

Speaker 4: 12:52

For me, rock bottom actually happened multiple times. I punched a window in 2012 on Christmas Eve and it almost killed me, almost cut my hand off. And then I've realized, through this podcast and talking about all this stuff, that I have not dealt with the trauma behind all of that. That should have been my rock bottom, but I drank for 12 more years, lost another friend, almost lost my family, and it got to a point where suicidal ideation was normal and scary. So for me, that was my rock bottom. My family meant more to me. My daughter was old enough to know what was going on. That meant more to me than anything To have them see me fail and then pick myself back up.

Speaker 4: 13:39

I brought my five-year-old daughter into the whole process of detox rehab. She doesn't know the ins and outs, but she knows that I don't drink alcohol and she knows that if I do, that's a failure in my life. So the great thing about this is we get to define that for ourselves. But, aaron, hit the nail on the head with you can't get sober if it's not, if you don't have something that is going to get you to that point. You got to do it for you, right? I don't necessarily agree with that. It started for my kids, it turned into something for me, but at the onset it was worth it.

Speaker 5: 14:14

Then you know, mitch, you bring up an interesting point, man, and when I say this, I'm not trying to sound cool when I say this, but I think the power of talking about it is huge. Mandy introduced me to this guy today and we had a really good conversation. I think he's ultimately made a decision to stop drinking. I think the talking about it and the people in your lives have such a huge impact, and one of my fears was, if I let my wife drive my car and she hits a stop sign really fast, she's going to see this Jaeger bottle fly out from under the seat and then, poof, she's gone. However, it was the complete opposite. Once I opened up hey, I need you to look under my seat she goes. I already know what's under there. I already know you've been sneaking bottles.

Speaker 5: 14:56

It's a funny story. We had our wives on our episode and I thought I was sneaky by when I got home to empty out my car, I'd lift up, go to the trash, can the big bin, lift up the bags that were already in there and throw my alcohol and then dump the bag on top. She's like yeah, we know you're dumb. So I think it's one of those things where the folks that need to help, need those people in their lives to make sure they know that they're going to stick with you through the sobriety. We already know how bad it is. Whether it's vocalized or not, we can see it. So do it for yourself, and we're going to be there to support you 100%, because it's a dark secret that you keep inside that you don't want anybody to know. Yet you're screaming it from the mountaintop without you even knowing it.

Speaker 2: 15:33

Well, and Aaron and Mitch, when you start to go through this process, you have that realization. You've entered onto this road to sobriety, which is a huge step, and I think there's a whole new persona, or maybe a shedding of a prior persona, that you also go through. Talk to us a little bit about that, because now you are becoming this new person, or shedding a layer of who you previously were. However, you'd like to look at that. What was that process like for you?

Speaker 4: 16:55

Mine was very clinical. I needed direction. I've always worked that way, you know better on a team kind of thing, and I operate much better in my life when I'm accountable to other people. So for me it was. I went through the full six I'm trying to think it was three months of outpatient rehab and that process was very much. I mean, it's so weird, man Like you literally go sit in this room and you just with dialectical behavioral training and counselors and things like that, I mean they would go through things like you would do music therapy, where you would listen to a song and then we'd all talk about it, you know, and obviously it had to do with addiction.

Speaker 4: 17:35

Or you know, one of my favorite songs is by Sia, you know, and she's she's a recovering addict, alcoholic, I'm not sure which one, but you know. And you just go through those lyrics and then you look at it and you're like, okay, what is she talking about? Why is she doing that? What is? And it's really just sitting down and having conversations like this as Pam was my managing broker for four years, five years, similar conversations. You go in and you're like, okay, what's your life look like? And you get out what you put into it, right? So if I want to just go sit there for three months and not engage in these conversations, that's what I'm going to take away from it, right?

Speaker 4: 18:12

So all of it's very personal. How far are you willing to go into this? How much are you willing to let people in? And for me it was. I'm going all the way.

Speaker 4: 18:23

I'm going to admit every single thing in my life to these random people that I've never met, and then I'm going to go home and do it to my family and I'll tell you right now and Aaron was kind of touching on this I'm a very spiritual person. And Aaron was kind of touching on this, I'm a very spiritual person. It's like being born again. It's so hard to put it into words. It's this refreshing of your mind and it's just once you admit all of these things that, like Aaron said, your family already knows what's going on. But once you admit it, I mean it's like this, I can feel it right now. It's just this weight that gets lifted off of you and all of a sudden, you're not living under these lives anymore and you know what. It doesn't happen overnight. This is a lifelong process of breaking yourself down, you know, and taking accountability for your life, for your actions.

Speaker 4: 19:16

Like all of it, you know, and you want to talk about resiliency, 2024 is the hardest year I've ever had in my life. I decided to get sober November of 23. I'm in real estate, so the real estate market was really tough. Last year I broke my foot in June. I got diagnosed with cataracts in May, had to have two eye surgeries.

Speaker 4: 19:36

This year Our finances have been absolute crap. I mean, it's been every dart that life can possibly throw at us. They did, you know. Our heater went out, my truck broke down, I mean just all kinds of crazy stuff. But in all of it, making that one decision to live authentically and live honestly and to live outside of that addiction all of that stuff was manageable. Right, we were able to sit down, go to a Dave Ramsey class, figure out how to get on top of our finances. I was able to sit down, break those things down one by one and solve them, you know, and do it with my wife and my kids and solidify our family unit even further. So it's hard to quantify that, you know, because it's such a spiritual and emotional thing and I think it's really different for everybody that goes through it.

Speaker 3: 20:26

Well, like you said you, they basically took you apart and then you have been rebuilding yourself as the version of who you want to be over this last, since you started rehab.

Speaker 4: 20:38

And I had an idea of who I wanted that person to be. You know, I have a picture of me and my two best friends in high school, thomas and Tyler and Tyler obviously since passed away but that person, that was who I wanted to be. Like, you know, I was, I believed in, I had a purpose in my life, right, I was going somewhere where I believed in God and just I loved my heart wasn't scarred and beaten up by the world yet, you know. And so it was like I wanted to get back to as close to that person as I could. Like I loved that person. So I always had an idea of where I was trying to go, right, so it wasn't just this blind like, hey, let's just walk into the courts and see what happens. I had an idea and I think that that really helped me kind of develop those boundaries of who I wanted to be today.

Speaker 2: 21:26

Aaron, how about you? Same question in terms of this the shedding of the identity and the recreation of this new.

Speaker 5: 21:32

Yeah, dmitri, you're killing it. By the way. I mean, when you just laid out your last year, like I'm so proud of you man, like the way that you act and the way that you are, man I'd be, you know, it's almost surprising that your sober journey started just so recently. I mean, I just had to say that. I just kind of had a moment listening to you, bro. I don't think I've said that enough. The only way I can say it is not to be redundant, but I was in so much pain I just couldn't do it alone. I had to get, at least to get it out there, cause I was just piling all this junk on top of myself by the drinking and the lying and all this stuff that the second I got out I was. It was freeing.

Speaker 5: 22:09

I think one of the things too, if we're, you know, on the sobriety side of it is when Mitch was talking about you have to be all in, and one of the things that we're trying to expose with Shattered Darkness is the different ways people get sober. Right, I walked into AA and I did two meetings and I was out. That was not for me. It's funny now. If I were to get sober right now I'd be all in on the spiritual side and that's kind of a lot. What AA is? You know, believing in a higher power, and it's really funny how this has kind of come full circle. I think I just now kind of realized it. But you know, it didn't work for me. So I went to just one-on-one therapy once a week therapy sessions and it worked for me Because you know what Mitch was talking about there is you have to be able to lean into it.

Speaker 5: 22:54

I think maybe that's why there's a lot of different ways people don't succeed in certain aspects. I have a business coach and we were meeting today and how she was talking about how some people like sessions. Right, there's some people that hate group coaching. They just don't thrive in that. They need the one-on-one. And that's where I could potentially think that rehab you know, sitting around in a circle facing your fears or people you don't know might not work. But if you can be honest with one person, great. I think that's kind of part of what is how you kind of have to figure out what it is. So that's what we're trying to do here with our podcast too, of showing those all different ways that people get sober.

Speaker 4: 23:31

It's a really hard question to answer because, you're right, it is so very different. But I will say the underlying thing that is required is the desire. You gotta want it, you know, like anything else you know, or just get to a place where you don't want to live your life the way that you are. No, that works too, you know. You're just tired of being where you're at and in so much pain that it's like you have no other choice support too, though, man.

Speaker 5: 23:56

I mean, when I woke up, the story goes Naya grabbed Connor, called my mom and said you need to figure out your son. He's being an idiot. A little levity here. That night I fell out of my car, literally fell out in the driveway, and then my neighbor saw me. And then I go inside and Naya had already had dinner ready to go. It's like, hey, dinner's ready. I'm like, sweet, so what I do? Because this makes sense. I just go in the pantry and I just start making dinner. She's like what the hell are you doing? I'm like I'm making dinner. No, it was already done. So anyway. So he leaves, I pass out and I wake up and mom, dad, and they are there.

Speaker 5: 24:32

And so I knew at that moment that I had the support of them, because that was essentially a rock bottom moment. So Mitch had his brother and his wife. You have the support. You're giving yourself up to that support. So not only does the person have to be ready. I feel like there's at least one person whether it's God or not there to kind of just give you the nudge open up the door. Whatever analogy you want to use.

Speaker 2: 24:56

We hope that you've enjoyed part one of our two-part conversation with Mitch and Aaron, the co-host of Shattered Darkness podcast. We want to commend both Mitch and Aaron for taking the time to share their own personal stories with us on today's session and, as they continue to work to shed light on sobriety and removing the stigma around it, you want to make sure you come back and join us for part two, because we're going to have some tangible tools that you can use if you or someone you know may be suffering from addiction and are ready to step on that path to sobriety. We'll see you all soon.

Speaker 1: 25:33

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas. To fuel the flames of passion, please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes and, of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.