Relationship Architecture: Designing Love That Lasts on Purpose with Geoff Laughton (part 3)

Relationship architecture, the conscious, intentional design of love that lasts, is not a concept most people are taught. It is something Geoff Laughton has spent 33 years helping people build from the ground up. In this third and final segment of Reignite Resilience's conversation with internationally bestselling author, relationship coach, and men's work leader Geoff Laughton, cohosts Natalie Davis and Pamela Cass follow Geoff through the final chapters of his origin story, into the full picture of the work he does today, and the spiritual backbone that has held all of it together. 

This segment opens with Geoff's first paying coaching client, who found him through her psychic. It moves through 16 years and 350 inner child workshops, a pivotal moment with his mentor Shakti that confirmed it was time to let that chapter end, and the unexpected four-day couples intensive that launched his relationship coaching practice when a husband overpaid him and told him to shut up and take the money. From there, Natalie and Pamela draw out one of the most powerful and rarely discussed threads of the episode, the spiritual awakening Geoff had in the Redwoods, when a charge of electricity moved through his body at a window and he knew, without question, he had found God. And then a trance channel in Los Angeles told him three things about his life that nobody else on earth knew. 

Geoff closes the conversation with the practical tools at the center of his relationship work: how to stop blaming your partner when things get hard, how to take 100 percent responsibility for how you are showing up, and why anything you think your partner is feeling that has not come out of their own lips is something you are making up. These are not soft relationship tips. They are the tools that have kept Geoff and Sarah together for 44 years and that he now brings to every couple and individual he works with. 

In This Episode: 

• How Geoff's first paying client came to him via her psychic and why he took it as a sign 
• The moment his mentor Shakti told Geoff he was not supposed to be running inner child workshops anymore and how his whole body confirmed it 
• The four-day couples intensive that launched Geoff's relationship coaching career and a husband who overpaid him and told him to shut up 
• Geoff's spiritual awakening in the Redwoods: The charge of electricity, the window, and the moment he stopped fighting God 
• The trance channel in Los Angeles who told Geoff three things about his life that nobody knew and what that unlocked in him 
• Who Geoff works with now: couples, individuals, empty nesters, men in transition, and anyone ready to consciously design what love looks like 
• The Jack Canfield-sourced relationship tool Geoff uses with every client: take 100 percent responsibility before you say a single word 

This is the segment for anyone who is ready to stop waiting for love to get easier and start building it with intention. 

Connect with Geoff Laughton: 🌐 yourrelationshiparchitect.com 🌐 theundauntedman.com 📚 Instant Insights on Building a Conflict-Proof Relationship. Available now 📚 Built to Last: Designing and Maintaining a Loving, Lasting, and Passionate Relationship. Available now 

Connect with Reignite Resilience: 🌐 reigniteresilience.com 📘 Facebook | 📸 Instagram 🗓️ Reignite Live 2027 — January 22, 2027 | Casa Sagrata, Loveland, Colorado. Geoff Laughton is a featured speaker. Tickets available now. (insert link) 

Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who is ready to build love on purpose.

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SPEAKER_00 3:06

All of us reach a point in time where we are depleted and need to somehow find a way to reignite the fire within. But how do we spark that flame? Welcome to Reignite Resilience, where we will venture into the heart of the human spirit. We'll discuss the art of reigniting our passion and strategies to stoke our enthusiasm. And now here are your hosts, Natalie Davis and Pamela Cass.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

So that's kind of a semi-reader's diecast version of how I went from being a little puppy to where I am now.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

Well, Jeff, one of the things that you left out is that at the beginning of yours and Sarah's relationship, you didn't like the people closest to you were not a fan or supporters of the relationship itself. So I mean, you talk about like the life and the journey that you've had as you've been together, but even at the beginning, in creating that solid foundation, those that were closest to you were like, this is not a good idea on both sides. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

On both sides. Yeah. Our parents. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Actually, our friends totally got it.

SPEAKER_04 4:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

So we had, you know, on my side of the family, my dad really liked Sarah, and my sister really, they've been closer than that the whole time we've been together. And I adore my sister. Um, it was just our moms primarily.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

So I think, I mean, I'm glad you asked that because it reminds me that one, you know, I run into a lot of people that are dating, for example. I'm not a dating coach, to be really clear, but I hear men that I work with, women that I work with. Yeah, if I went on a date, and you know, and I knew in an hour he or she wasn't the one. Yeah, you know that in an hour, do you? And it reminded me, I mean, you should get on, you know, Jimmy Fallon's show and be the next amazing Creskin.

SPEAKER_03 5:17

I was gonna say, yeah, you've got a gift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

But it made me think of a thought I've had often, which is on paper, Sarah and I should have never worked.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

You know, we were just on paper and we were shit show waiting to happen. But why it never turned out that way, in my opinion. I mean, number one, we knew that we loved each other and we made that the priority. Whatever we have to do to nurture that, number two, we had to not care what other people thought. And for a recovering nice guy, that is an ongoing challenge because us nice guys really want y'all to like us. Yep. I had to drop that shit. So we really, and even the times where we ran into challenges that were really, again, not between us, but challenges with our son that came up when he went to college, other family things that came up. We just somehow knew that when stuff gets really hard, we are not gonna give up without fighting for it.

unknown 6:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

This is worth fighting for, and we're not gonna walk away from it unless God comes into our bedroom one night and says, Hey, peace out, you two. You're done. If that ever happened, provided the burning bush came with it, I might listen. But otherwise, no.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

No, no, they're gonna have to be a lot of signs.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Yeah, yeah, there'd have to be a lot of signs. Yeah, um, so yeah, it is so hard to make even a great relationship work. It takes work. No, yes, and and fortunately, you know, it didn't take me long to outgrow the whole Hollywood BS about, you know, love is everything, love is all you need. Love that song, and it's bullshit. And, you know, really realizing that no, you've got to keep nurturing it, you've got to keep growing, and you have to keep growing yourselves. Yeah. And, you know, you mentioned Pam Unshakable Love. Sarah so did not want to go to that weekend. Really? I really I had to use all of my charm to get her to agree to go. Yeah. And of course, we we went to that with one intention only. Can we go deeper?

SPEAKER_04 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Can we deepen the love even more? Yeah. And we did. Yeah. And you thought. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

I did. Wow. Yeah. I love that. And that's 44 years, correct?

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Is that what we're fine? Oh my gosh. I yeah, I think sometimes in life we think, oh, life should be easy. And then relationships, we think it should be easy. And if it gets anywhere shaky, I'm out. Like it's just, I'm just gonna go to the next. But you know, it's a testament to if you really love somebody, all of those challenges you face you face in those relationships, they just make you that connection even deeper because you're going through them together and working through them together and growing individually. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Yeah, well, and to the name of this podcast, resilience. Yeah, you know, and yeah, if you're a parent, as we know, if you don't know resilience, have children.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Exactly. Yes. Exactly. Yes. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

I love our son to death. And there was a lot of resilience that we had to develop, you know, especially when he was in college, and he's an amazing man and a great dad, you know, so he turned out great. But resilience was how we got through a lot of the hardest things, yeah, and always having helped. Yeah. We have had coaches that we've gone to, yeah. And there are times where, you know, in my talk that you heard, Pam, if it hadn't been for Shakti coaching us that day, I don't want to give away the story in case anyone watching gets to hear me talk in the future. She saved our marriage and our life, my life, yeah that day. And so you also gotta know when you need to ask for help and don't let your pride it's actually a sign of resilience that you will ask for help.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And all along your journey, you've had those guides, um, whether they were physical guides or or spiritual guides, they've they've been with you this entire journey, which is just beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah, it also really helps to have. I mean, I'm really clear, spirituality is not everybody's cup of tea. Religion was never mine, but in an experience in a retreat Sarah and I did in the early days with Shakti, Shakti confronted me with my resistance to the word God. I mean, if anybody said God, I was like, peace out, bitch. I'm I'm not having any of this. Yeah. And I just didn't know back then that I had thrown God out with the bath water that I had with the church that I grew up in. Very different. So she's in my face, and I mean, in my face. Until you handle the G thing, you're not gonna be able to go anywhere. Yeah. And my first thought in my head was, fuck you.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

And I turn around, you know, I'm pissed. I turn around and I look up, and there's a window in the course room. This was in the Redwoods in the Bay Area, and it wasn't a cross like on a church, but the mullions were close enough to being a cross for government work.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

And I look up and I'm, you know, I'm like that. And all of a sudden, I feel a charge of electricity go through my body. It felt like I stuck my finger in a light socket. And I knew, I knew it was God. There was no, like I just had to get off it right then and there. And that day was the day that I knew that my life was also gonna be about figuring out why I got put here this lifetime, what am I here to do, and to be of service to spirit as long as I live. Yeah. And that got me connected to a spirit of a spiritual teacher who's a channel. So any of you that can't handle Lulu, sorry for your luck, I get a reading given to me by my inner child trainer. He gives me a reading for my 38th birthday with this channel in LA, and I'm thinking, well, I'm not gonna look at Gift Horse in the mouth. And I go have this reading, and she's a full trance channel. Elvis leaves the building, and other energies come in and speak through her. Wow. So this energy, who immediately felt very comfortable, comes through her, a masculine energy, and I'm thinking, okay, ventriloquism, maybe. I'm not, you know, I'm skeptical until the energy that came through her told me three things about my life that nobody knew. And I mean no one, yeah, not Sarah, not my inner child mentor, nobody.

SPEAKER_04 13:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

And as soon as I was told those things, I'm falling like a baby, and I'm like, oh, I'm home. Like I have found home.

SPEAKER_04 13:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

So I also want to say that you never get too old to find new teachers. Rachel Jane is that for me now. Yep. After five years without a coach or a teacher, and you always want to make sure that if spirituality matters, the other thing besides marriage and children that will get your ass resilient is try to walk a spiritual path. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

Jeff, you as shared with our listeners a little bit about who you don't necessarily work with. So you're not a dating expert, you're not a dating coach, that's not the space that you're in. Why don't you share with our listeners who you do work with and how you help them?

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Great. So in the relationship area, I work with couples and individuals. Individuals maybe who have, you know, maybe been in a lot of relationships that haven't worked, and they're ready to maybe try to get back in the game. And they really want to know what do I need to know that I didn't know that's going to help me be better prepared to know what I want, know what I don't want, and to maybe get a really strong picker developed. And I also do that for men because I work with men that have gone through plenty of relationships. So I love helping people that are either wanting a new relationship or are in one and they're starting to bump into the honeymoon being over phase. And you know, we all know that one. You can't take your eyes off each other. Your sex life is amazing, and it wears off. And then you're like, yo, who are you? And that's where you really have to be.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

When did you get there?

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Right. And what happened to me? So I love working with couples that are in that stage of things. So really helping them consciously design what their optimal relationship would look like, you know, mentally, physically, spiritually, physically, and then teach them how they can build it and then how to maintain it. And then I work with a lot of the majority of my clients right now are people who have been together for a long time, 10 or more years, often several that have been together 30 or more. Wow. And I mean, here's the thing: if you're an empty nester, you're probably gonna want to talk to me at some point. Yeah. Because there's the phase, other than the limerence period wearing off after about a year and a half at the beginning. The other equivalent is when your kids all leave home. Yeah. If you're still married, who are you? Why are we? You know? Yes.

SPEAKER_04 16:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Do I even like you?

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Um, so I work with a lot of people that are really seriously looking at do we want to stay together? And I'm very clear with people, I can't save any relationship. I don't know if you're meant to be together. But what I do know is how to help you get clear on what your truth is.

unknown 17:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

And if it is to be together, then I've got amazing tools to help you design version 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, and really remodel the whole thing. And if you get clear that you're not meant to be together, and not everybody's meant to last a lifetime. I mean, it's very Hollywood to think it would be lovely if you did, but they're not. Yeah. So when people get to that clarity, then I help them, particularly if they have kids, how can you end this relationship? Yeah. And is there another one that you can build together that honors your kids and honors that you're gonna be co-parents for the rest of your life? And do it in a conscious way instead of the normal American model of screw you and the horse you rode in on, because you did love each other once upon a time. Yeah, I think most of us do. So that's what I do in the relationship space. And I really kind of uncovered a whole new thing that sprang from my first book that is clear on my website. I help people design a relationship. And I'm really having a blast. I've gotten a few new couples recently that that's all they want for now. Help us design what we're and not so much, you know, less of an investment, quicker turnaround time, and it really goes deep. So I'm loving doing that. And then last but not least, I've also been leading men's work for 26 years now. So I have a company called The Undaunted Man that I'm a partner with my friend Mark, who's also a part of Rachel Jane's community. And we run men's groups. I run four men's groups. We also do retreats. Mark takes men out into the middle of nowhere in the backcountry for three days, and no phones, no electronics, no nothing. You and nature for three days. Wow. And you can't see another human being around you. They're there. You just can't see them.

SPEAKER_04 19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

And then we also do a lot of work with men who are trying to figure out, particularly like guys my age or men that are, you know, 50s and up, that are wanting a refresh of what are we here for? What's my purpose? I have to have a good life, but I'm feeling something's not really lighting my fire much. Yeah. So I do that too.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

I love that. Very crystal clear uh in terms of who you work with and how you can help them. And I think that's helpful for folks. And we'll also make sure that we link your books in the show notes. But you dropped a little nugget, so I want to make sure that we fill that little morsel for our listeners. If they have the opportunity to hear you speak, you are gracing us with your fabulous knowledge and insight at the Reignite Live 2027 event in January at the Sagrada. Yes. So thank you, thank you, Jeff. For all of our listeners, if you've enjoyed our conversation that we've had with Jeff today, he is going to be part of the lineup of speakers that we have at Reignite Live 2027 on January 22nd of 2027 in Loveland, Colorado. We'll make sure that we put information about tickets in the show notes. But thank you, Jeff, for saying yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Oh no, you're so honored that you asked. And especially after getting to hang with you two today, I'm looking forward to being in a room full of people that get your magic and get whatever magic I bring and the other people that are going to be there. So I really appreciate you inviting me.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Absolutely. Amazing. Absolutely. I know. We're so excited to have you. And Jeff is going to talk about all things relationships. So be ready. If this is the first time that you're putting Reg Night Live 27 on your calendar and on your radar, just mark the date. Tickets are going to, they're available now, but we'll make sure that we start putting that information out in front of you more frequently. But truly, it's going to be a very special day, Jeff. So we're we're excited that you're going to be joining us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Thank you. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:15

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Okay. So is there anything that you'd like to leave our listeners with? A tip, a tool, a word of advice, a last piece of wisdom, a nugget that you'd like to leave us with today before we sign off.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Sure. Let me just do a quick self-aggrandizing move first, and then I'll I'll leave the tip.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Perfect. Perfect. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

If you want to get in touch with me, your relationshiparchitect.com, or if you're a dude and you know that your woman would love for you to explore men's work, and you know she does.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

She does. She dub guy. We all do.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

You can go to the undauntedman.com and lots of great information around there. So the tip. Well, I'll offer one that I've actually said twice today to clients of mine that I had sessions with, both of whom were kind of trying to figure out what do I do if I feel that my partner maybe doesn't like me anymore or doesn't trust me. Both of these people have trust challenges, right? And I gave them, I want to give credit to the origin of the nugget, but I've used it, and that's part of why Sarah and I are in great shape. And I give this to everybody I work with. When they're upset with you or they're not talking to you for some reason, like you're getting the cold shoulder. And this doesn't matter if you're male or female. If your partner is upset with you and you find yourself going, Well, what B got up your bonnets? You know, like you have that kind of what's the matter with you vibe. Shut the F up. And before you say another word, ask yourself, How am I being or not being? How am I showing up or not showing up that he or she could even go there with me?

SPEAKER_04 23:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

And I got that tip from Jack Canfield. And went and saw him do a day in Denver years ago. And he would always talk about his wife. I got to talk about my wife. Clear they love each other. They'd been together 40 some odd years at that point. And a woman said, Jack, what's the secret? And he said, When my wife's upset with me, I don't respond until I've looked at, well, how have I been operating or not operating that would even have her be upset?

SPEAKER_04 23:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

And I lead with that. So sum that up in an even shorter sound, Mike. Own that you are a hundred percent responsibility. Pardon me, you are a hundred percent responsible for your life and how you show up in it and how people vibe with you or not. And if your relationship is challenged, you have to take responsibility that you have a major part in that challenge and figure that out and go to your partner and own what you're seeing. And then you're probably gonna have a great conversation. But there you go. There's your power tip for today.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

I think that's a huge nugget. That is a big piece because we often get into that space where we we're either just experiencing the feeling, right? That frustration or what have you, or or we're in that space of confusion of, well, what did I do? Or like you said, what how did that be getting your bonnet? What's your problem? And not doing the introspective or the reflective, like hold a mirror up to yourself. How have you been showing up?

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Yeah, and take responsibility for it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I'll offer one even shorter one that's a good partner to that. Yeah. Anything that you think your partner is thinking. I mean, this really goes for every human being. Yeah. This can be your coworker, your employee, you know, whatever. Anything that you think someone else is thinking and feeling about you that has not come out of their own lips is shit you're making up.

SPEAKER_04 25:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Yep. Yeah. Period. 100% no exception.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Don't lost people for a while.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

It's not that well. I love it. Oh my gosh, Jeff, thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us on the show today. This has been wonderful. And thank you for sharing your personal story and your journey as well, because I think that's tremendously helpful for us, especially when we get caught in this, you know, we're doing the work, we're on the path, thinking that it needs to be rainbows and daisies all the time. It's not, it's not always that. And noticing when we get the tap on the shoulder or rammed into a wall, that we're listening to those lessons that are coming our way. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Amen.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Oh my gosh, you're so welcome. So much fun.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

It has been a blast. Exactly. For our listeners, we will make sure that we put Jeff's contact information and both of those websites in the show notes as well so that you can connect with Jeff, depending on what you want to work on, you yourself, you and your relationships, what whatever that may look like. And then we'll also include the information about the event that's coming up in January, Reignite Live 2027. We're super excited about that. Stay tuned. You'll hear more from us about that as we have more and more guest speakers for that event, because we have, like I said, a phenomenal lineup coming to you in January. So we're really excited to start rolling those announcements out. Until next time, we'll see you all soon. Bye everyone.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Thank you for joining us today on the Reignite Resilience Podcast. We hope you had some aha moments and learned a few new real life ideas to fuel the flames of passion. Please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform, like or download your favorite episodes, and of course, share with your friends and family. We look forward to seeing you again next time on Reignite Resilience.